When Things Go Wrong, As They Sometimes Will...

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven.


How true this is, as we have learned in a very difficult way this week.  At our ultrasound this week, to determine the health and gender of this new baby we have been preparing for, some major complications were discovered.  While not completely unprepared for this news, we were, nevertheless, heartbroken.  


The short version, is that our baby (a boy) has a severe neural tube defect.  The prognosis is very bad and doctors gave us little hope for a good outcome.  We are still reeling from the news and have many questions and appointments in the coming weeks to determine our course of action.  


And while we are struggling with the challenge that lies before us, we have not been left alone.  We have a great love as a couple and have relied on one another.  We have wonderful children who are brave and strong and loving.  We have extended family who will drop everything to help in whatever way we need.  We have friends who are kind and thoughtful and whose prayers lift us up.  We have an unshakable faith in a Heavenly Father who loves us and a Savior who has made salvation possible. 


Elder David A. Bednar said, "When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance."


This is how we feel.  We are facing a difficult challenge but we will be okay.  Maybe not in the way we thought we would be okay, but in the Lord's own way, we will be okay.


For those of you whom I see on a regular basis, I wanted you, especially, to know how I felt and how you could help.  Some of you are much better about this than me, but I'm terrible when it comes to knowing what to say and how to act around someone who has experienced a loss, heartache or challenge.  I would love someone to tell me what they need, so I can be helpful.  I am just not good about knowing what to do on my own. So here it is.


 This is tough and will be for a while.  But please feel that you can say "Hello" to me when you see me.  I would love nothing more for you to hug me and tell me that you love me and are here for me.  I won't be offended if you chat about something totally insignificant, like some cute jewelry, a new bag you have, or what silly thing our kids did.  In fact, I would probably welcome the chance to just have a normal conversation.  I really don't feel up to questions about the situation we're facing.  It hurts and there is a lot we still don't have answers to ourselves. On the other hand, there may be times in the coming weeks when I feel like talking about things and if I do, just be a listening ear.  I don't know which thing I'll need when, but I'll make sure I tell you.  I know there are many in my circle of friends who have recently had babies and who are currently expecting their own.  I don't feel anything but joy for each of you.  Don't feel like you can't talk to me or that I will be hurt by seeing you or hearing you talk about your experience.  I have experienced that joy 4 times and am so grateful for my experiences and I am grateful for your joy.  Mostly, just keep our family in your prayers.  That is what sustains us and will continue to do so, over the next little bit.


Oh, how we wish things were different!  And yet, we feel that the Lord has a plan for our lives and know that this is part of our mortal journey.  Therefore, we will "press forward, with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope and a love of God and of all men."


Thank you, each of you, who are the kind of people who share both our joys and our heartaches.  We love you.


And this is why we do not feel alone, even in the midst of our sorrow.