It's been just over one year since my Grandma passed away. Even though my head knows she's gone, sometimes my heart forgets.
Like the the time we drove up in my parents driveway and they had my Grandma's car parked at their house and my very first thought was, "Oh good! Grandma's here!" Only she wasn't.
Or the time just recently when I made her chocolate sheet cake recipe* for something at the kids' school and it turned out perfectly. As soon as I poured the icing over it and saw how I had achieved smooth perfection I thought, "I'll have to call Grandma and tell her how good this turned out! She'll be so proud!" Only I couldn't.
Or just this last week, after our trip to my parent's house, when I brought most of her silverware home with me. I was loading it in the dishwasher and I had this moment where I wondered what on earth I was doing with my Grandma's silverware in my house when she should be using it at her house. Only she can't.
And I miss her. I miss her.
But I also know, that while she isn't driving her car to see me or calling me on the telephone or using her silverware, that she is aware of me. Maybe even aware of of my yummy chocolate sheet cake. There have been times and moments when I've felt her very near. And other times I just have a feeling that she's checking in on us or watching over us. I really wish I could call her or see her or hug her. But that's not how it works.
I loved Elder Scott's thoughts about this in conference a few weeks ago.
"We are closely related to our kindred, to our ancestors...who have preceded us into the spirit world. We can not forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus we are associated and united to them by ties that we can not break...If this is the case with us...how much more certain it is...to believe...that those who have gone beyond...can see us better than we can see them; that they know us better than we know them...They see us,...they love us now more than ever."
I firmly believe this. I love the comfort I feel from knowing this to be true.
And most of all, I love my Grandma.
Then. Now. Always.
*Grandma's Chocolate Sheet Cake
2 cups sifted flour
2 cups granulated sugar
1 stick margarine
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 cup salad oil or one stick margarine
6 tablespoons cocoa
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 cup water
1 tsp. soda
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
Sift together the flour, sugar, and salt. In a saucepan, combine margarine, oil, water, and cocoa. Cook, stirring, until blended and mixture comes to a coil. Stir in flour mixture. Stir soda into buttermilk and add with eggs and vanilla. Blend until smooth. Pour into a greased and floured pan 18x12 inches and 1 inch deep. Bake in a 350 degree oven exactly 20 minutes It fills that size pan exactly.
In the meanwhile, prepare frosting.
Frosting
1 stick margarine
6 tablespoons evaporated milk
1 box confectioners sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
2 tablespoons cocoa
In a saucepan, heat margarine and milk until margarine is melted. Remove from heat and blend in sugar, vanilla, and cocoa. Stir until smooth. Pour on hot cake immediately when it comes from the oven, smoothing to cover top.
