The Natural Course of Things

This is something I've been pondering for a while now and trying to find the right words.

For the last month or two, I noticed that I was grumpy a lot on Saturdays.  I think Cory was beginning to wonder if I didn't enjoy having him around the house.  Of course that wasn't the case.  And isn't.  That's what I look forward to all week. :) It took me a while to figure it out, but I finally did.  Saturday was the day that marked the start of a new week of pregnancy.  Only now it doesn't.  This Saturday I would have been 36 weeks pregnant.  Only now I'm not.  I'm 16 weeks post-loss.  Even though I wasn't consciously thinking about that milestone, my body and my spirit felt it.  But being able to recognize what it is, helps me overcome the feelings.

After I lost the baby, it was really hard for a while.  The hurt was so fresh and sharp.  But the Spirit was so strong and so present.  It was a near-constant feeling of comfort.  It touched our interactions with each other and gave our home a little taste of heaven.  It was an almost tangible presence.  Even though my grief was the deepest, the comfort was also the strongest. 

As the days, and then months, went by, things started to feel more normal again.  The Spirit was still there, just not as strong and not as constant. And I think that is just the natural course of things.   It was like learning to walk again after a long time being carried.  At first, I still wanted to be carried.  Learning to walk again wasn't easy and sometimes it hurt a little bit.  And sometimes it hurt a lot.  And even though it took a little pushing to get me there, after a while it felt good to stand on my own two feet again.  What at first made me feel off-balance, began to help me feel more secure and steady.  Some days, I still feel like I'm being carried.  And other days I wish I were being carried.  But most days, I feel glad to be standing strong.  

As I keep moving forward on this unexpected journey, I'm continually amazed by my Savior's love, as I've been lifted, supported and even carried along the path.  I'm forever thankful for him and for his promises that remind me that there are good things to come.

This pretty much says it all.  If you don't want to take time to watch it, remember this:

"Every one of us has times when we need to know things will get better. My declaration is that that is precisely what the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us, especially in times of need... 'Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead.' Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."  ~Jeffrey R. Holland