Checking off the Summer Bucket List

This Summer, we wanted to make sure we squeezed in as much fun as we could.  We wanted to make time for some big things and we didn't want to forget some of the little things, too.    So we made a bucket list to help us make sure we didn't miss a thing.

We included things like "go to the beach", "do a science experiment", "catch lightning bugs" and "make popsicles."  One of the things we listed was "plant something".  This gave us a little more flexibility than planting a garden, which hasn't gone too well the last couple of years.  With having a baby in April, the garden just didn't get done.  So I decided each family member would have one plant to take care of.  Seven plants.  We'll see if we can manage that one. ;)

 My parents gave Paige a tomato plant earlier this season after she and my mom talked about a garden Paige wanted to plant that included the typical "tomatoes" and "carrots" to the unusual and bizarre things like "chicken" and "pizza".  (Gotta love those yummy chicken plants!)  So, she had a tomato plant and the kids each chose another plant to care for.  Elise chose a cucumber plant.  She loves them like her Daddy.  Ian wanted a spearmint plant.  Merry Grace chose basil, and they decided Jay would like the grape tomato plant.  That left me with a red bell pepper plant and Cory with crookneck squash.

First they weeded the area we were going to plant it. 

They all found some great weeds.

 

Elise got her cucumber plant into the ground.  She made sure the area around the plant was free of leaves and sticks.

Ian's spearmint plant needed part shade, so we had to plant it in a slightly different spot from the "full sun" plants.  Ian also regaled us with information about earthworms, compost and soil nutrition that he learned in Science last year.

Merry Grace planted her Basil with tender, loving care.  She is kind of excited that there are enough leaves already on her plant that we can go ahead and eat some. :)

Because Paige has had her plant the longest, it was also the biggest and I had to plant it for her.  So she planted my pepper plant for me.  And the kept weeding.  She and Ian really liked weeding.  She also liked eating popsicles, which we also did while we worked.  It was dang hot out there.  She may have sneaked an extra one...or two...

Elise and I took turns snuggling Baby Jay until we finally decided it was too hot for him and took him back inside to the cool.

I don't know if we'll reap any veggies or not, but we sure had fun planting our veggies and herbs today.  So that's one successful item marked off our bucket list! :)

Happy Birth Day

I know there are women who love being pregnant.  I am not one of them.

I love the miracle of pregnancy.  With my past experiences in mind, I was profoundly grateful to be pregnant and carry this tiny person to term.  I am in awe at what my body can do.

But.

I am so relieved to give birth, I cannot even put it into words.  Delivery brings deliverance.

At 32 weeks, I had a growth ultrasound to see how Baby Boy was doing.  He looked fantastic.  So fantastic that all his anatomy measurements showed him at 37 weeks and gave him an estimated weight of 5 lbs, 11 oz.  Everyone has a story about how wrong those guesses were, to one extreme or another.  I was inclined to think they were accurate.  For weeks, I had had an extremely difficult time getting comfortable.  I felt like his feet were up inside my ribs and I would have gladly removed my liver and several of my ribs to get relief. My reflux (even with medicine) was so uncomfortable that unless I slept almost sitting up, I would wake up choking on my stomach acid.  (Yeah, that was fun!)  I felt like he must be a bigger baby to cause such discomfort that early on.  Fortunately sometime around 37 weeks, he dropped enough to give me a little more breathing room.  But I had painful, but irregular contractions from about 35 weeks on.  I was desperate for deliverance.

My doctors decided to induce me at 39 weeks, due to the baby's size.  What a blessing.

On April 12th, at about 3pm, Cory and I checked into the hospital.  We were scheduled for an ultrasound for doctors to confirm the baby's size.  They were concerned that if he had grown too much they would need to do a c-section.  (I never really considered that I would go with this option, regardless of what they saw or found, but that is what they were checking on.)

We had a sweet and adorable technician, who spent lots of time getting cute pictures of the baby and taking thorough measurements.

 

Can you see those sweet smiles she caught?  That is one cute, cute baby!!!

 One thing we noticed in all of his ultrasounds, right down until this one, was the he loved having his hands beside his head or in front of his face.  This one was no exception.

The ultrasound tech told us about how good she was at estimating babies weights and sizes.  She thought he would be around 9 lbs and 3 or 4 oz.  She said she would rather overestimate than under, so she said the smallest she thought he would be was the high 8 lbs.  She also commented over and over about how much amniotic fluid I had.  Since that wasn't too large, we all felt good about proceeding as planned.

After the ultrasound, I was moved to a labor and delivery room.  By now it was about dinner time.  I met my nurse, had my vitals checked and settled in.  I had been having regular contractions, which had increased since they stripped my membranes after the ultrasound.  They were going to break my water soon and let things get really get moving.  It looked like I would just be able to labor on my own, without pitocin.  But things never go as planned and apparently many other women went into labor about that time.  My nurse was called away to attend a c-section, while Cory and I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  Finally around 11 pm the doctor came to check on us and fill us in.  Things were still crazy, every room was filled, with more women waiting.  Because I delivered at a place that specializes in high risk pregnancies, many women coming in needed lots of care.  I was grateful to just have a normal pregnancy, even though that meant I was at the bottom of the totem pole.  By this time I had been fasting except for clear liquids for over 12 hours.  (One of the hazards of an induction...)  I was famished.  That sweet doctor knew it was going to be a while before they got to me, so she put in the order that I could eat and I got a wonderful, huge slice of greasy, delicious pizza.

It was a long, restless uncomfortable night for both Cory and I, who were not sleeping very much and definitely not comfortably. Finally, finally around 4 am our nurse came back and we were really going to make some progress.  Shortly thereafter they broke my water, which was one of the single most painful parts of the whole process.  I nearly broke Cory's hand in the process.  Let me just say, that when the u/s tech said there was a lot of amniotic fluid, she wasn't kidding.  There was fluid and fluid and more fluid.  All. Day. Long.

After my epidural, which was the mildest one I've ever had, we just waited.  Because my contractions from earlier had become irregular and were not increasing in intensity, I ended up having pitocin to really get things going.  As they increased the dosage, my contractions became more intense and regular, until they eventually turned the pitocin off and let my body do the rest.

But it was still slow going.  My poor children at home, waiting for their brother to be born, were in a tizzy.  They couldn't believe how long it was taking.  Frankly, neither could Cory and I.  Around 5:00, Cory left to go get a bite of dinner.  He had been gone about 5 minutes when I felt the contractions become significantly more intense and began feeling a lot of pressure, so I sent him a text that he needed to hurry and get the food and then get back.  About that time the nurse came in and said she's seen the jump in contractions and it looked like it was time to push.  So I texted Cory again and told him to get back.  It was pushing time!

It took about 30 minutes of pushing, the longest amount of time since Elise.  The contractions had been quite painful at the end, even with the epidural.  The pushing was a relief.  I could feel much more of what was happening, as well.  At 5:47 pm, our sweet baby boy made his entrance into the world.  True to his ultrasound images, he was born with his hands beside his head.  One hand and arm came out at the same time as his head.  They immediately laid him on my chest and he began crying.

That moment when a baby is born, that moment you lay eyes on your baby for the very first time...there are no words.  I wish I could capture that feeling in a bottle.  It is pure joy.  Pure love.  Pure happiness.  Pure, pure, pure.  He was beautiful.  Perfect.  Amazing.

He was crying as I stroked his little face and talked to him and cooed softly to him.  It took no time at all for him to settle down.  I think a baby's entrance into the world must be a little jarring and I have to think he wondered where he was.  And then he heard his Mommy's voice.  The one he already knew so well.  And somehow he knew it was okay.

He laid there and snuggled for a while until he had to be weighed.  We knew as soon as he was born that he was no 9 lb baby.  The fat rolls I'd been promised weren't there.  And sure enough, he weighed in at 7 lbs. 14 oz. and measured 21 inches long.  Seven beautiful pounds.  He did not appreciate being taken from me and got even more upset when he peed on himself as he was being weighed.  I can't say I blame him there. :)

Oh, what a wondeful, beautiful baby!!!

We've named him Jay Ammon Rich.  Jay is a take-off on my maiden name, Jarrell.  My Grandma Jarrell we call "Grandma J", so Jay is a way of using that name, without actually using it, if that makes sense.  Ammon is from Ammon, a great missionary in the Book of Mormon.  And Rich is after my brother, who is named after our uncle, who was given my Grandma's maiden name.  My brother is also currently serving a mission, so we like to say that Jay is named after two great missionaries.  

Getting a baby here is no easy task.  This time was definitely a greater challenge both emotionally and physically and even spiritually.  But the incomprehensible joy of holding a brand new baby, fresh from Heaven is worth it.  Each time I have cradled a newborn baby in my arms, I have known I was holding a piece of heaven in them.  The awe and wonder of it never cease to both amaze and surprise me, each and every time.  In fact, maybe I appreciate it even more as time goes on. 

As I sit here and contemplate those feelings again, I am overwhelmed at the blessing it is to be a Mother.  To be the Mother of those five precious, beautiful children.  And my heart is filled to the point of overflowing.  And the only thing I can think of are the lines from a hymn I love, "My God, how great Thou art!"

Stepping Back to Leap Forward

I really need to post about the birth of this sweet baby...

But I don't think I can post the birth story without giving the back story of how he got here.  Most of my faithful blog readers know about the baby we lost in my 20th week of pregnancy back in 2010.  I really think  Baby Jay's story starts there.  

In the weeks and months after that loss, I felt a strong need to know where I stood in the grand scheme of Motherhood.  I knew that with four children already, I was closer to being done with having children than just getting started.  I wasn't sure if there were more children for our family or if the four we had made our family complete.  I felt like I was at a crossroads.  I knew I wasn't ready to try again just then or maybe if I would ever be.  A part of me couldn't bear to think my that my time of having babies was over in such a pull-the-rug-out-from-under-you kind of way.  But if that phase of my life was over, I wanted to be able to mourn the loss of my baby, mourn the end of the "birthing" phase of life and jump with both feet into a new stage of life.  Oh, how I wanted more children.  I wanted  this to be the right thing.  But oh, how I needed the Lord's guidance.  I didn't have to know exactly when or how many children or anything.  I just desperately needed to know "if."  I made this a matter of prayer for some time, before getting the distinct impression that there was indeed another child, or children, to join our family.  It eased the heaviness of my heart to feel this way.  Although I still didn't feel ready for a baby just then, it was a great comfort for me to receive this answer from the Lord.  I felt he was aware of my need, in my time of need, and saw fit to answer me this way.  I didn't know when or how--just the knowledge that one day, there was another baby joining our family.  And for then, that was enough. 

As time passed, making the decision to have another baby became another trial of faith.  Although I always wanted another baby, it was terrifying to think of putting that into reality.  As women and mothers, we know the dangers and risks of pregnancy. However, I felt that I knew even more intimately the risk I was taking.  I knew the heartbreak of things not coming to fruition and so I knew that before I could try again, I had to be willing to accept the chance of a loss again.  And for a long time, I just wasn't ready to take that chance.  My heart and my spirit needed time to heal and time to grow.  I prayed.  I pondered.  I searched. In time,  I finally felt ready to try again.

Only Cory wasn't quite ready.  This is our family blog and our story, but everything is from my perspective.  But a loss like that takes its toll on the whole family.  Cory showed such love, support and strength during the days, weeks, months and even years after our loss, even though it was his loss, too.  I could not imagine having a more loving partner who really stood by me and loved me through it all.  There really just aren't enough words to express the depth of love and gratitude I feel for him just being there.  He was there in times and ways that make my jaw drop with awe at the wonderful, beautiful person he is.  Making the decision to have a baby is a big one and one that, for us, needs to have two yes votes before we take that step.  So I knew I needed to give him the love and respect to honor his "not yet" vote without pushing.  But that required another act of faith on my part.  I didn't know for sure if he would ever come to different decision.  Knowing the kind of man he is, I knew he would go forward prayerfully and faithfully, but it still was a challenge for me to accept.

I remember watching general conference in April 2012 and feeling the confirmation again that we should have another baby.  It wasn't long after that that Cory expressed feeling that same thing from that same conference.  The Lord spoke to both our hearts.  And so we felt it was time.

Getting pregnant has always come easy for us--a blessing I have not ever taken for granted.  This one took a few months.  After getting that positive test result I calculated my due date--April 18th.  Five days before the due date I had with the baby I lost.  That was the one month I had been nervous about having a baby.  But what I came to see was that the Lord helped soften that loss with the blessing of healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.  The Lord blessed me with something I didn't even know I needed.

For me, a pregnancy after a loss was something completely different.  I felt more like a first time mom than the seasoned Mother I was.  I was anxious and worried quite frequently.  There were moments I felt sure it was not meant to be.  The night before my many ultrasounds (I had 6 altogether), I was extremely anxious.  In my head, I knew this was a different pregnancy under different circumstances.  But I couldn't shake the dread I now felt about having ultrasounds, given that was how we found out the complications in our other pregnancy.  It took much faith and many prayers to get me through.  But get through it, I did.  As great as the moments of doubt and anguish were, the moments of faith and clarity were even greater.  There were countless times when a conference talk would provide just the message I needed to hear.  There were scriptures that were brought to my remembrance in my time of need.  Sometimes I wondered if Heavenly Father would grow impatient with my imperfect faith.  What I came to see and feel was his infinite and perfect love and  patience as I honestly tried to be faithful amidst heartache and doubt. One of the sweetest experiences came after enduring the nerve-wracking experience of my first two ultrasounds.  As I sat waiting for my third ultrasound, I silently prayed that all would be well.  And I felt the baby kick!  As I would anxiously wait at each doctor's appointment, I would feel the baby move and kick.  I felt like he was saying, "I'm here, Mom.  It's going to be OK."  It was a beautiful gift.

Although I didn't have complications, the pregnancy was not easy.  It was difficult taking care of the responsibilities I already had while growing a baby inside my body.  It was a sacrifice of time and energy.  It was a sacrifice on the family as we worked together to get "everything" done.  Pregnancy was not easy.  But it was worth every single bit of sacrifice it took.  It was worth that and more.

Even with all this, I feel like I've only scratched the surface of the many different experiences I've had getting this baby here.  I feel like its only the tip of the iceberg of the depth of emotions I've felt.  It has been a deep, soul-searching experience all along the way.  It has been one that is both so painful an so beautiful that I don't know that I can ever capture the thoughts and feelings in my heart.

All I know is that it was worth it.  So worth it.

The Best Birthday Ever

I've hesitated posting about this, because it seems like the kind of thing I'd normally keep to myself.  And I wasn't sure I could express it and have it received the way I felt it.  In the end, I decided to go for it for a couple of reasons.  I first got the idea of doing this from reading someone else's blog, and I appreciate them taking the time to share their experience because it blessed my life.  I also use this blog to document our life and I want to remember this and I want my kids to remember it.

My birthday is one of my favorite days of the year.  I love the kind wishes that friends and family express.  I love getting to pick my favorite dishes to eat.  I love the cake.  I love the presents.  I pretty much love everything about it.  When I think about it, most of the things I love revolve around something that someone else is doing for me.  My family and friends are so sweet to make me feel special and loved and I truly appreciate it.  But this year, I wanted to share the happiness and gratitude I felt for getting to experience 33 wonderful years of life, with others.  So I decided to perform 33 acts of kindness for others in honor of my birthday.

Here are some of the things we did throughout the day.

First, I let the kids stay home from school.  They thought that was awesome.

Next I made a donation to the church's Humanitarian Aid fund.

We sent a treat package to some friends we love. :)

We left a treat in our mailbox for our Mail Carrier.

I took the kids to pick strawberries, something they've been wanting to do all season.

Then later on, we gave some berries and dipping chocolate to our sweet neighbors.

I rented a "guy movie" from Redbox to watch with Cory that evening.  This was a big deal, since I rarely like to watch movies and even more rarely want to watch an action movie.

We took $1 bills and paper clipped a note to them and hid them in the toy section at Dollar Tree.  This was really fun.

I got the kids the silly suckers at Dollar Tree. :)  They were thrilled!

Jay was getting hungry, so I let the kids play at the park while I fed him.

Speaking of feeding the baby, I fed and changed him 331 times throughout the day.  (Maybe not that many, but it did happen a lot. :))

We took a little gift to two of our neighbors.  They both loved them. :)

I treated the kids to frosty's at Wendy's.  

Then we paid for the person in line behind us.

This turned out to be one of our favorite things.  After paying and driving off, Elise said, "I wish we could see what they say or do when they realize we already paid!"  We got out of the parking lot and were at the stoplight, when they happened to pull up beside us and had us roll down our window and thanked us.  I told them that I was trying to do 33 acts of kindness for my 33rd birthday and that I appreciated them letting me serve them today.  They were so kind and gracious that it just warmed our hearts.

We also contributed to the Children's Miracle network fund.

I cleaned out my closet and donated some clothes to a local charity.

I ordered flowers and had them sent to my parents, thanking them for the decision to have me and giving me chance to have such a beautiful, blessed life.

They were supposed to look something like this. :)  Another of my kindness acts ended up being that I had to forgive the florist for not delivering the flowers until the next day.

We taped more of our notes and coins to the drink machines.

We dropped of flowers and chocolate at the house of one of my sweet friends.

There aren't pictures for everything.  I sent an kind email to someone.  I left a sweet comment on a blog I love.  I sent a text to someone I thought might need it.  I hugged my kids.  I gave them all extra smooches.  I was patient with them, even when it wasn't easy to be.  I smiled at everyone I passed.  I let someone turn in front of me at an intersection.  I picked up after the kids, when normally I would have asked them to do it themselves.  I left "happy notes" around for my family to find.

I love birthdays.  I love celebrating myself. :)  But I truly don't know if I've ever had a happier birthday, and I think I've had a lot of happy ones.  I don't know that I can express the joy I felt in my heart throughout the day.  It was so fun to share the day with my kids and see them catch onto the fun of serving and surprising others.  Several of them commented about what an awesome day it was and how they wanted to to something like that on their birthday.  Cory sent me a text that afternoon that said, "You are awesome.  What you did today was very special and taught our kids an amazing lesson.  You are a great woman and mother."  Yeah, he's pretty wonderful.  Honestly, I set out to share the genuine love and gratitude I have for so many blessings in my life.  What I got back in love and gratitude from my sweet husband, my kids and even perfect strangers paid me back ten-fold.  

It was an amazing day and one of the best birthdays ever.  I am one blessed woman.

I'm reminded of a primary song:

"Thank thee for the world so sweet;

Thank thee for the food we eat;

Thank thee for the birds that sing;

Thank thee, God, for everything."